There has been a leadership change at our church and we have taken the opportunity to fill a couple of voids that were left as the dust settles so now i am running the sound booth and Heidi is helping with the worship team. With our new pastor there has come a focus on increasing the 'wow' factor of our services, this means reworking the sound system to support in ear monitors and purchasing shiny new LED lighting with control software. we had projectors to display announcements, lyrics and sermon presentations already. Our pastor also put in a 'smoke machine' not to put a carpet of smoke down but to put a haze in the air. I like the changes that have been made so far. I think the Smoke machine may be a bit much but i like the effects that we can produce with it.
There have been events that have happened this year that has woken me up. First i have something to confess. I have had little desire to get to know my family in my home state of Texas. to be honest most of my Mom's sisters had always treated us kids with a but of a holyer than thou attitude. In fact when i was considering changing my last name to my mother's maiden name, my Grand Father had told me to my face that i would have to improve my self GREATLY to be worthy of such a name and told me he would be surprised if i were not in jail or dead by the time i was 35. He was surprised many years later when my son was better behaved at 2 than many in the family were. He never apologized to me for his statements but he did tell me he was proud of me.
So that is probably to much of of a history lesson as it pertains to me and mine. We had been in contact with some of the family off and on over the years but no where near all of them. It is a BIG family down there. This year a cousin that i didn't know, never had the chance to meet, never made an effort to meet, was murdered. looks like someone broke in to their house and shot her 4 times. The end seems to have been mercifully quick as all 4 shots were to her head.
Now i know you are thinking 'whats the big deal? you didn't know her.' and you would be right. I didn't know her. Her mom is my cousin and i know here even if we have not spoken in YEARS. (yeah it has been that long) but that event and highlighted a problem i have, a hole if you will in my story. the part of the story where your family is one of the biggest influences in your life. I the months since this tragedy, i have tried to get to know her. I found her face book page, i have talked to some people that knew her and of her and here is what i have learned.
I missed out because i didn't know her, because i didn't know her brother, who now stands accused of her murder(i do not think he is guilty) she was smart, fun and full of life! she was the sweetest girl you would want to meet. Conservative, fiery and outspoken. She loved God with all her heart and was, by all accounts, ready to meet her maker. She worked in her church and was attending college studying toward an English lit degree. She has God fearing parents and they did everything they could to instill this same reverence in to their kids as it was in them.
Mark wrote a piece on Thanksgiving about what he has to be thankful for. Here are a couple of exerpts from what he wrote.
I wanted a boy, Stacie wanted a girl, and God gave us both in one little bundle of TNT. To every one who ever knew Amanda she was the epitome of joy and laughter. As she grew up she would permit no negativity or self pity around her. Her limitless joy, curiosity, and zest for life repelled the blues like an invisible force field. She laughed because she loved it. She screamed because she could. She jumped and danced because you wouldn’t. And by just being around her, you would be taught that life was meant to be savored. It seemed her motto in life was “Take a really big bite and enjoy! And if a little bit ran down your chin, that was just fine too”.
And I got to be her Daddy. I was blessed to spend countless hours talking with her about every conceivable topic you could imagine. Amanda had a penchant for randomness. Her mind was used to taking and even sought out the path less traveled. We talked about life, love, God, horses, evil, happiness, sorrow, right, wrong, the sky, chemistry, ancient history, horses, the origins of the earth, writing books, politics, nature, horses, snakes, scared people, scary people, funny people, serious people, cars, industry, english, travel, Scotland, France, French toast, French fries, Whataburger, steak, beacon, cute boys, dorky boys, fun girls, weird goth girls, church, music, scuba diving, sharks, eating squid, sushi, camp fires, fishing, farming, horses, work, school, marriage, and her hair. Then she would be quite for a little while, I would catch my breath, and she would start talking again.
I am thankful for God’s grace to go through this horrible experience and keep my eyes on him. I am thankful for those I work with who love and support us. I am thankful that I am not and have never been ashamed of the richness of this country. I see the bountiful spread on the table at thanksgiving and unlike many, who only see gluttony, selfishness, and arrogancy because others in the world do not have what we have, I understand that that bounty exists because many people, for many generations before me, took great risk and bore great sacrifice to build a nation under God. And God has blessed it for their sakes.
I know this is a long read and i thank you for reading this far. For a cousin that i did not even know in life, this girl has touched my life. I tear up even now just writing this.
Thank you and God Bless
